Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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