you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
