Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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