I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
