there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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