it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
