He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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