there's paper in my vomit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
