the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
