In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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