is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
