so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize