i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
