So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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