Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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