I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize