You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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