First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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