so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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