a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
