i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nobody cheats on THIS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
