so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize