Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
