dude i'm inner monologue high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
