So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
