I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
