I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
