I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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