i love accidental penises.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
try to milk me bitch
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