No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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