nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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