I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
