do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
