look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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