Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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