is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
