Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
