This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
