I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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