We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
