if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
