I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
