best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
