Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
