you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
