I could have mohawked her pubes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
