Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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