So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
