I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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