You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
