So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
