either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
