I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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