Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
