im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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