i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
