I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
