So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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