How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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