This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
